Adventures In Parodyverse: The Path of the Righteous, Part 1

WARNING: This story may offend delicate sensibilities and cause mass confusion. Please do not kill the writer or feed the animals.

Adventures In Parodyverse - The Path of the Righteous, Part 1

    I am Faite, Protector of the Parodyverse. One of many, anyway.

    It has been said that those who encounter the Fairly Great Old Ones either perish or become servants, vessels of their dark magics.

    It has been written in an ancient text by an ancient scribe, long driven insane by his own visions...of a young woman, one who is of nature yet an abomination to both order and chaos. One who has touched the dark magics and has neither become their servant nor their vessel.

    Another ancient text tells of a man at the center of the universe who cheated death and saved the dark magics from devouring him. It is said he survived because his contact with the dark magics was indirect and brief. But he did not perish nor become their servant.

    It is said that if this man and this woman find each other, and bond closely so that they mate...they will have a child of darkness. And that child will bring war and destruction to the seven worlds. Darkness will fall for seven nights, the dead will become the living and the living will become the dead.

    Does the prophesy disturb me? I have read such similar things before in singular, such as the Resolution Prophesy. There is much doubt about those, because they have been warded off so many times, and the outcome can be easily dismissed.

    But this...this prophesy is mentioned in exactly seven different places in seven different variations. Written in different locations and different parts of history. So many had the same vision. It is a warning from a power so arrogant in its inevitability that it fears nothing.

    Yes, it does scare me. I can only trust that the instincts of the two as they finally meet, because that much is inevitable. And I can only hope, as I watch them, that their instinct steers them safely. Because if they cannot steer themselves then I must do so for them.

---

    Water cascaded down in the small smoked glass shower cube and her skin cried out with every slight touch of a finger or lips, and she both felt overwhelmed and craved more.

    Rain poured down and felt like burning on her skin as the adrenaline rush had reached its peak. She both hated it and loved it...it made her feel cold, terrified...but she knew she was still alive.

    The touches escalated, the kisses became more and more exciting, always hinting at greater pleasure, always pushing her to the edge, promising paradise, but never quite delivering. Her body language blatantly encouraged him, and he seemed as if he would comply, but it was as if he was gleefully toying with her first.

    'She is toying with me,' she thought as she gave chase through the darkness and heavy rain after a flicker of lightning illuminated a flash of hair zipping by. The sword she carried streamed water from her tightly gripping hands onto the ground as her eyes observed the scene before her.

    That promise was finally fulfilled when she least expected it, her excited flesh set ablaze again as he pressed against her beneath the artificial waterfall. She cried out as teasing gave way to something much more serious, much more permanent...much more dangerous. There was no turning back now.

    One of them had to die, she thought as she winced at her bleeding arm. There would be no polite bow and amicable parting of ways now. She quickly tore part of one sleeve of her shirt to stop the bleeding on her opposite arm where she had been struck.

    She closed her eyes and cried out almost silently, as if she either lacked the voice or didn't wish to shatter the serene pleasure with noise. The sound of the water falling, the feeling of it on her skin, raised her to a level of ecstacy she never quite thought she could reach. She could tell he knew that, and she felt safe losing herself most completely to him.

    She knew that she couldn't give up, or she would die. She had been wounded twice and the enemy still toyed with her. She watched a dark blur go by and she closed her eyes, letting her mind follow the assassin's silent, perfect movements until...

    ...The movement, the touching, the sounds all culminated in a final, powerful, fiery rush, and she finally cried out, abandoning all attempts to silence herself and allow the water to provide the only rhythm. She felt drained, exhausted, and so did he...but he kept enough strength to hold her gently in his arms and let her savor the warmth.

    ...She thrust forward the sword with her eyes still closed and felt it slice through most vulnerable flesh, a rare but possible vulnerability in even then most dangerous and well protected assassin in the world. She held on to the sword with both hands, feeling a warm cascade of blood which was not hers spill across her chest when the assassin suddenly collapsed onto her.

    "Thank you," she whispered among the sound of rushing droplets of water as she struggled to catch her breath. Lara Night never regretted her decision not to kick him out of the shower.

    "Die," she whispered as the heavily bleeding green-skinned assassin finally collapsed at her feet. The Psychic Samurai never regretted drawing her sword to kill Gamona, after what she had done to Hatman.

---

    "You're still asleep," Chiaki Bushido whispered sadly as she stood over Hatman's bed at Phantomhawk Memorial hospital. Her arm had left a trail of dripping blood all the way from the entrance, but she refused treatment until she reached Jay's room.

    Nurse Grace O'Mercy watched silently as she gently wrapped Chiaki's arm. She thought she had seen everything, but the visibly upset blood covered blonde who came in with Hatman, CSFB!...she managed to bring Hatman's broken body back from the brink of death. 'He needs to sleep now,' she remembered the blonde saying before leaving.

    And all the tests confirmed it. Aside from total exhaustion and slight dehydration Jay Boaz was in pretty good shape. He slept deeply though, lost in his own memories. As safe and well as he was he may as well have been in hell.

    A simple machete disarmed Hatman in an instant...by slicing the straps of his backpack free, leaving him without all hats but the one he wore. And that one only identified him as Hatman. By the time he turned to confront the person who had taken his pack, he suffered a whack to the head, and lost his last cap. It occurred to him then that the attack was very well planned.

    He looked as CSFB! for backup, but he was quickly fighting his way free from a trap made of steel cables. The world was spinning to Hatman now, and he felt a glint of hopelessness as he watched a green-skinned woman with metallic mesh engraved into her skin whip around, using her own razor sharp hair as a weapon. He felt pain sear the flesh on both his arms as he raised them to protect himself, as well as his face. His shirt felt warm and wet as well.

    Hatman nearly fought back when he felt a small arm wrap over his shoulder and across his chest, and blonde hair touching the side of his bleeding face. She sounded as if she would cry as she whispered to him, "I'm going to get you out of here." He started shaking then, shock taking over as it was apparent from her voice that he was in much worse shape than his adrenaline filled body recognized.

    He could feel a faint tingling all over his body, as if he were being shocked but not painfully, and he watched the world fade into bright light...and then he heard voices, like a busy hospital. He heard lots of urgent and frightened voices around him as he felt himself jerked around violently by several doctors and nurses rushing to repair him. A moment later he passed out, either from blood loss or medication.

    Jay awoke a short time later to find the same blonde, Lara Night was her name, standing over him as he lay in a hospital bed. The pain was gone, but he felt very, very tired. Nurse Grace O'Mercy was next to her. He could see half of Lara's blonde hair stained red with blood. Across the bed was CSFB!, looking to be unharmed but also covered in some blood.

    "Did you catch her?" Jay asked.

    CSFB! shook his head sadly. "Hey, you're too important to me, man. Couldn't let you go to the hospital alone in that condition."

    "So tired," Jay whispered as his eyes closed. "Need sleep."

    "He'll be fine," Grace told a worried-looking Lara, and CSFB!. "You two go and get cleaned up or something. You look like you've been to a war zone."

    "Okay." Lara nodded sadly and waited for CSFB! to gently escort her out of the hospital.

    Jay didn't even see Chiaki enter a short time later, and leave angrily only minutes after. He didn't see her return nearly an hour after that, seeming calmer only very sad.

    "I have killed in your name," Chiaki confessed to him and to Grace as he slept. "I am sorry to have dishonored you so...but she...she vowed to me that she would not rest until you were dead. And she attempted to kill me just for asking her to leave you alone."

    "I'm sure he'll forgive you," Grace tried to encourage her.

    "No." She looked down. "Jay...he is a gentle soul. Life is sacred to him, from the smallest and most humble of creatures."

    Grace looked at her suspiciously. "This person you killed...wouldn't happen to be a green skinned woman would it?"

    "Yes." Chiaki admitted with a nod. "You may turn me in to the authorities if you're required to do so."

    The nurse laughed. "What for? She's in the ER being prepped for surgery. Tough alien assassin, that one is."

    "She...survived?" Chiaki asked, seeming to brighten up.

    "For now," Grace told her.

    Chiaki closed her eyes and breathed a relieved sigh. "Jay will not be disappointed then." She opened them again to add, "Even so...I don't think he would approve of my actions. I love him dearly but...we are from entirely different worlds."

    Grace raised an eyebrow. "Sounds like a breakup line to me."

    She nodded once. "For the first time I feel like I truly know him. And I believe we would agree on this...that we may be friends, but I cannot change him and he cannot change me."

    "Poor guy," Grace commented. "You could at least sleep with him once more."

    The Psychic Samurai smiled at that. "No," she replied. "He would not want it that way."

    It was Grace's turn to smile. "Seems you've gotten to know him pretty well."

    Chiaki nodded again. "Yes, I have," she said. "And it has been said that if you truly love someone you must set them free. I can think of no better way to reward what he has given me."

---

    Lara Night woke up feeling both exhausted and refreshed. And as soon as she opened her eyes she realized that she was in an unfamiliar place...an unfamiliar bed. It was warm in that bed...too warm, in fact, for one person. She looked over to her left...Dream was lying there calmly, motionless. But his eyes were open.

    "G'morning, blondie," he whispered.

    She sat up partially, and noticed someone else at the far end of the bed, on the other side of Dream. She gasped suddenly.

    "Don't worry," Dream reassured her. "You were too scared to let April give you anything more than a shoulder massage. You really need to lighten up...especially considering how brave you were with me."

    Lara's face had reddened almost completely by that point, even though she realized April was still asleep. She sat up completely and sighed as she wrapped her corner of the bedsheets around herself.

    "You don't regret letting me into the shower, do you?" Dream asked.

    She smiled as she remembered exactly what he meant. For some reason it was a very pleasant memory for her.

    Lara stepped into the shower, feeling eager to get Jay's blood and all the dust and dirt from the recent battle off of her. She savored the warm cleansing water, and the shampoo, even the suds that got into her eyes. Long enough, in fact, that she managed to keep savoring the water even after any traces of dirt or suds were gone.

    What she forgot was that she asked to borrow Dream's shower because she lacked her own quarters in the mansion. He graciously offered the use of his.

    "Hey," she suddenly heard Dream's voice very close by when she stood, eyes closed, feeling the water cascade onto her face and hair. "I thought that maybe we could share before you used up all the hot water."

    She turned around, and something about her level of shock at seeing Dream step naked into the shower with her prevented her from even gasping with surprise. For some reason it all seemed normal to her.

    Dream was smiling. "Wow, the clothing you usually wear really doesn't do you justice, Lara," he said. He reached out a hand to just hover over the shape of her body but didn't actually touch her. "Very nice." He changed the subject again, but didn't take his eyes off of her. "So can we share?"

    Lara stood, speechless, watching Dream admire her physically, unsure if she should choose to beat him senseless just on principle. She already knew he was kind of strange, and very bold, yet he also seemed to be somewhat sweet in how he humbly asked even after taking such a bold risk. And when not in that somewhat frightening silly suit he was kind of cute. "Why are you doing this?" she asked.

    "You saved my best friend," Dream admitted. "You saved his life. So since I'm...an 'entertainer' of sorts...it's the only thing I'm good at, Lara. It's all I have to give you in return." He shrugged. "I won't push you into anything you don't want to do. Just enjoy the view if you want, that's okay too. Or ask me to go. Whatever pleases you."

    She paused for a moment, during which Dream closed the shower door behind him to keep in the steam. "Okay," she finally conceded.

    "Okay to...?" he prodded.

    Lara Night smiled weakly. "I want to see what you're so good at. Cause I really need to experience...something...other than the memory of warm blood on my hair and face."

    Without hesitation Dream took a step closer, standing dangerously close. Lara could see that he was quickly becoming enthusiastic about the prospect. "You sure?" he asked. "Feel free to stop me any time," he added. "I know you're a little shy, and I don't want to scare you."

    "I won't," she promised.

    It was a promise she kept. From that moment until the next morning awakening in that bed, she allowed herself to forget completely about what happened and immerse herself in what turned out to be a very exciting night. "I was brave?" she asked Dream.

    "Yeah," he replied with a smile. "You liked the shower so much you wouldn't stop kissing me...and you're a pretty good kisser...so we went for an encore."

    She blushed again gently. "That...kind of all blurred together for me. I don't remember even leaving the shower." She looked away for a moment and added, "I'm a little embarrassed."

    "No, no!" Dream nudged her. "There is absolutely nothing wrong with a healthy appetite, Lara."

    "It's not usual for me," she added. "I just...I liked the distraction. And I've been...kind of neglected for quite a while." She seemed embarrassed by the last part, her voice trailing off to a whisper.

    "I told you it'd be fun!" Dream gushed. "You're not as shy as you want people to believe. There's a part of you that's kind of a thrill-seeker. You're Californian, right? I bet you've even tried surfing."

    "I have." She smiled slightly. "And roller blading. Laugh if you will."

    "Laugh? No way!" CSFB! commented. "No, cause you know how to live, Lara. Dude, life is about experiencing things, not sitting in a room watching shitty TV all day...and it is shitty. Don't get me started."

    "I won't." Lara giggled slightly, seeming to cheer up at Dream's rant.

    "Seeing things, tasting things, trying things, no matter how scary or outrageous you think it is. That's living."

    Lara smiled. "It almost sounds like you're proud of me."

    "Hell yeah, I am!" Dream smiled too. "But mostly if anyone dares laugh at you for what you've done...ask them what they've done today. What they've really done. Or what they've seen."

    "You know what?" Lara asked him. "I've met two people of such depth here in Paradopolis. You and Liu Xi Xian. You should talk to her, I bet you two could have some amazing conversations."

    "I did," Dream replied. "She's pretty cool. A little warped maybe, but warped can be cool too if it's done right."

    "You like that she's a little warped?" Lara teased him.

    "Yup." Dream smiled. His attention was drawn away when the brightly colored cell phone by his bedside suddenly rang out a rock tune complete with a beat and flashing lights. He picked it up to answer it. "Dream's sex palace. Can I help you?"

    There was a moment or two of silence as he listened to the voice at the other end, and then turned off the phone. "Mumph wants to see me," he said. By that time, the noise from the phone caused April to awaken.

    "Okay." Lara nodded and glanced at April. "I guess I can talk to April while you're gone."

    "Cool!" Dream leaped out of the bed and snatched his silly suit, managing to slip into it just before disappearing into the hallway.


---

    "I hear you've made our latest guest into your own personal guest." Sir Mumphrey looked up from his desk, wearing reading glasses, when Dream entered his office. "Close the door please."

    Dream reached behind him and slammed the door hard enough to make Mumph cringe, only out of habit more than malicious intent. "Lara?" he asked. "We were just kinda playing around."

    "We were just playing at first," Lara told April, "But he's also very sweet. I feel bad now...I feel like I've taken advantage of him."

    "I didn't take advantage of her," Dream promised Sir Mumphrey.

    "Hrumph," Mumph cleared his throat. "She's a very sensitive young woman, Dream. You may find yourself getting into quite a jam."

    "She's smart," Dream insisted. "She knew what she was doing."

    "Nevertheless," Mumph warned him, "You may ultimately break her heart. I ask only that you treat her gently."

    "It's a little heartbreaking," Lara admitted to April. She shook her head at first but didn't elaborate right away. "You're lucky, you know that?"

    "Yes," April agreed. She then wanted to check and make sure, "So you're not after Dream?"

    "I might have been if...you know. He didn't have someone better." Lara shrugged.

    Better? April celebrated internally but smiled only slightly on the outside. "What do you mean?"

    "I think you're the one underestimating her, Mumph," Dream told him. "She's much smarter than you give her credit for."

    "Because for a few hours," Lara explained, "He treated me like a queen...no, a goddess. And then he treated you the same way." She smiled. "But you see, I'm a bit of a jealous type. If I were in your place I'd probably kill me right now, or at least give me a good beating. I'm afraid of losing the focus of attention. But you're not, and that's why you succeed in keeping him interested in you and I would fail."

    April smiled. "Know what the secret is? I was practically his stalker," April told Lara. "His biggest fan. I still am. And he's my biggest fan. So...Dream and I being together is like stalker heaven." She smiled and shook her head. "I don't think anything could possibly get between that. And it's great, because it allows us to expand our horizons well past what most people would never consider."

    "I kind of gathered that when you didn't impale me with a hairpin or something," Lara joked. "I was so scared that the shoulder massage you started giving me was just an attempt to get close enough to strangle me to death without any resistance."

    "To tell you the truth, Dream told me about you after he first met you. How sexy you are, how smart you are, and how you're a powerful super hero who should have her own comic book."

    Lara snickered at that.

    "No, really." April laughed too. "Nothing turns him on more than that. I asked him to see if you'd join us."

    "You asked him?" Lara clarified.

    "Yes, cause when he has access to one of his fantasies he really goes sex crazy, and the benefits to me are obvious. And the benefits to him...well, he's very happy and he loves me even more for giving him such a wonderful gift."

    "Sex crazy...no kidding," Lara mumbled to herself. She then reddened a little as she realized who she was talking to. "Oh, I'm sorry--"

    "I also asked him to invite you cause you seemed smart. You don't seem the type to think you're in love just because of sex."

    "I guess you're right." Lara shrugged. "He can be sweet, though. I can see why you fell in love with him. Except for the stalker part, that is. As wild as he seems sometimes he's very emotional and he cares a lot."

    "Hey, maybe we'll invite you again," April suggested. "And maybe next time you'll be even braver."

    "I dunno." Lara took a deep breath. "I mean, it was a crazy experience, but...as Dream says, life is about experiencing new things. I don't think I'll get anything new out of this the second time. Maybe I need to move on to something else."

    "There's plenty new you haven't explored yet," April said, almost ominously. "Maybe you have a point. Doesn't do much to spice up our sex lives if it's been done before. Though Dream does still have a serious fetish for a blonde super-powered girl."

    "I'll keep that in mind." Lara snatched a bathrobe that had been conveniently left next to the bed. "I'm going to pop back over to my home to dress and stuff. I guess I'll see you and Dream later. So we can talk or something."

    April waved at Lara as the blonde disappeared in a flash of light. Just then, Dream returned, seeming surprised that Lara was gone. "Did she leave?"

    "She went home to get new clothes and stuff," April relayed to him.

    "Damn," Dream complained. "I wanted to ask her if she had any kind of costume yet. Would have been cool to see her in it."

    "I guess she left just in time, then." April smiled, fully aware that she was poking fun.

    "Smartass!" Dream leaped onto the bed and began giggling and tickling April so she giggled too.

---

    "Oh. Chiaki." Hatman smiled when he opened his eyes and found that there was just one person waiting for him - Chiaki Bushido, the Psychic Samurai, holding his hand gently as she sat by his bedside.

    "This may not be the right time to tell you this," Chiaki spoke softly, "But I believe it is time for our relationship to end."

    Hatman looked saddened for a moment but then squeezed her hand. "Looks like I'm the psychic one this time, Chiaki. I knew this was coming."

    "You did?" she asked.

    He nodded. "When I saw the anger in your eyes as you left the hospital. It left me wondering just what you would do. Just what was in your mind. And then as I lay here and dreamed...I decided that I didn't really want to know. And that's not healthy for a couple."

    "Agreed," Chiaki nodded. "I would still like to be your friend."

    "I don't see a problem with that." Hatman smiled. "If you don't mind me scolding you with self-righteous tirades from time to time."

    Chiaki smiled too. Those where her own words the last time Hatman was upset over her opinions. He did indeed take them with good humor. "I don't mind," she said. "It comes with the package." She looked down and realized she was still holding his hand...but she didn't let go. "Do you know why I did what I did?" she asked, her voice saddening.

    Hatman nodded. "Because you love me."

    She nodded too, and closed her eyes to keep them from tearing. Her voice wavered as she repeated, "Because I love you." She opened her eyes a moment later and added with a slight laugh, "And I would literally kill for you. But that would only show disrespect for your feelings."

    "Yeah," Hatman echoed sadly. He took a deep breath and noticed that she did the same. "I think we'll get along fine as friends."

    "And you have that woman you met," Chiaki said. "How is that going?"

    "You knew about that?" he asked.

    She nodded again. "What we had was flawed," she told him. "As your friend," she added as she held his hand tighter, "I hope this chance will work out better for you." Chiaki finally let go of his hand. "I must go...I have something to do. But I'll see you again before you check out of the hospital."

    "Did someone tell you?" Hatman asked.

    Chiaki stopped heading toward the door, turned around, and smiled knowingly. "I'm not called the Psychic Samurai for nothing, Jay." she joked. She gave him a quick wave and then disappeared into the hallway.

TO BE CONTINUED

-- Story written and copyrighted (C) 2005 by Jason Froikin, and may not be
-- reprinted without permission.
-- Yuki Shiro designed by Jason Froikin, based on designs by Masamune Shirow
-- Liu Xi Xian and the Psychic Samurai are original design by Jason Froikin
-- Lara Night is an original creation by Jason Froikin

Post By Anime Jason Sat Sep 17, 2005 at 12:22:23 pm EDT	Subject Adventures In Parodyverse: The Path of the Righteous, Part 1

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